The Dark of Winter

So here in Alberta Canada, winter arrived with a vengeance. Normally I do okay with the changing of seasons. Or so I think. I probably don’t, but this year seemed especially bad for me.

I spent 2 full weeks in despair. I cried almost as much as I did when my friend Brian died. I felt angry and disappointed and so let down by almost everyone I knew. I barely left my house and when I did I shrank away from any interactions with people… I drove my husband into town one afternoon for errands and refused to get out of the car because I could just not deal with people. At all.

Typically this time of year is when I would withdraw from most social interactions, especially online ones. It’s practically a miracle that I haven’t deleted a ton of people off of Facebook and deactivated my account. I’ve been pretty lucky in the friend department this year though and they have been helping me to stay centered.

And what’s more is that those girls of mine have impressed me once again and made me even more thankful for them (if that’s even possible)!

I didn’t really talk to them about how I was feeling, I just felt it. Wallowed in it. And they could tell. They knew immediately that I wasn’t being typical mom… That I had something going on in my head and that I was emotionally unwell.

And they responded with love and compassion.

While I slept half the day in the living room and spent the other half in my bedroom on my own, they did extra cleaning and left me notes to let me know that they were thinking of me and that I am loved. They made sure to keep the volume down during their interactions and to spend some time outside playing so that I could have even more quiet. They cooked dinner when I just couldn’t bring myself to do that simple chore.

It amazes me how young my children can be (in the sense of innocence), yet at the same time how very grown up they are. And really, I think how lucky others will be to have my children as friends. Given the time and opportunity, I have no doubt they will prove just how valuable their friendship is.

Anyway. I don’t feel 100% yet… The dark of winter sure hit me hard and really early this year. And I know that my chances of it coming back are high. But I do feel a heck of a lot better than I did, and I know that my kids played a huge role in this.

They are always surprising me with their wisdom. I’m not sure why. You’d really think I’d be used to it by now. But they always seem to know how to respond or react or just be to help me feel much better about existing.

It’s lovely.


4 thoughts on “The Dark of Winter

  1. Wow this one left me feeling like I need to rush over to you and hug you. I hope you feel 100% soon. You are very lucky to have raised such amazing children. Always remember that you had a huge role in why they are who they are and hopefully that will help ward off the winter blues.

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