Reflection

The Passage of Time

On Sunday, it was Brian’s birthday. Those who are new to my blog and don’t know about him can read a bit about him and how his life and death affected me –

here: https://ohlovelyexistence.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/blurring-the-lines-9-year-old-as-supporter-and-caregiver/

and here: https://ohlovelyexistence.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/still-missing-you/

Anyway, Saturday leading up to Sunday was really really hard for me. Sometimes you wish these occasions and special days would just disappear for awhile after you lose someone you cared deeply about. The passage of time is such an odd thing after tragedy and loss. It just keeps on passing with no regard for how a person may feel about it.

Sunday is my regular Al-Anon meeting day though. I’ve been going for 4ish months or so? I’m not sure how long but that seems about right. I haven’t shared anything, I’ve just listened, to the hurt, the despair, the loneliness, and the wisdom that pours forth from those meetings. The group was small. So I finally shared. I spoke of Brian and losing him but feeling forever grateful for the time I had with him. How I’m terribly sad for his daughter though because there are still so many defining life moments she won’t get to share with him. And about my own fears that although Sean is doing well now, it doesn’t mean he always will be. The dark side of addiction, is really dark.

So Brian’s birthday has come and gone. He would’ve been 33 on Sunday.

The next big day will be the year anniversary of his death.

And whether or not I want it to, it will arrive sooner rather than later.

And time just keeps on passing.

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