Life / Reflection

A Week of Reflection

Wow. It’s been a week since I last posted and what a week it has been. I took time off from blogging because Christmas is a very hectic time for us, but it is so nice to be back here writing and sharing myself as it is very therapeutic for me.

Not only has Christmas come and gone, but our family has been going through something that I’ll basically refer to as our “dirty little secret.” I started a post about it last week, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to share that much about what’s going on in our lives quite yet. I think that I have probably not had enough time to properly reflect on a such a big thing, and I don’t want to rush into sharing if I haven’t even sorted out my own feelings on it.

We’ve hit 3 months since my friend Brian left this Earth. I feel tremendous sadness for his family during this holiday season and really, for myself as well. I miss him. To be honest, although I am very blessed with my family and friends, I have felt tremendous sadness for so many people and circumstances this holiday season. I have done so much reflecting on both the good and the bad in our world.

I’ve been thinking about my grandfather a lot too. I haven’t been to his grave since he was buried when I was a child and I feel very compelled to go visit him and take care of his resting place and maybe, hopefully, feel a sense of closeness with him. I talked to my friend Rebecca yesterday about how I wish so much that my girls could have met him. That I think and hope that he would be proud of me and my little place in this world.

Our car is having issues and we’ve had to replace the alternator and the battery and we also need to replace a head gasket… I only have a vague idea of a how a car actually works, so I just trust Sean to get it done and am thankful that we don’t need a whole new car yet and that he has the skills and know how to do most of the work himself when things go wrong. The money isn’t a ton but realistically speaking, the holidays aren’t the best time for something like that to happen. But I’m a planner and I keep an emergency fund for such events. I will encourage my daughters to do the same when they are older, because worrying about money is simply no fun. Stress that we can all do without.

And then today we completely ran out of water. We live in the country so we get our water trucked in. I am thankful that we made the discovery this evening rather than 3 days ago, and we should be able to get a load delivered in the morning rather than having to be without for a few days.

Although the family gatherings we went to over Christmas were wonderful, my favourite times consisted of just the four of us. I am very much an introvert, which I reflected on a lot this week too. I really value and appreciate the quiet and solitude of my home and our peaceful little existence out here. Don’t get me wrong… I adore family. But today we stayed in pj’s, we watched some of K-Girl’s new anime series she got, I read, took a bath, we played board games and video games, and it was the laziest, best, most lovely Christmas vacation day yet.

2012 is almost done. As previously mentioned, my word for next year is service. I’ve had so many ideas running through my mind of big and small things I can do that fit into that idea of service to others. I am ready for the new year to begin. To see what life throws at me this year. But I do also hope that there are no major tragedies or losses. While I know that they are a part of life, I am so deeply wounded by them. The past few years have contained quite a few and I hope that 2013 is a lucky one for everyone all around.


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