Sean said to me yesterday, “I’m excited to get to know you again. We haven’t spent much time together in the last few years.”
And I kind of laughed at first, because it seemed silly. But then I thought about it, and it really is the truth. We were split up for 3 years and since getting back together last year, Sean has primarily worked out of town. This means that we saw him an average of about 7 days per month.
I’m finding out that this was harder on all of us, than we realized. When you are put into a situation, you just deal. You figure out how to get through, whether you like it or not and you hopefully make the best of it.
The loneliness was really hard for Sean and one of those things that led him back down a wayward path. For me, it was the doing. Always being the one to have to do things. Of course, I love my family and I want to do things for them, but occasionally I want to shirk those responsibilities and have someone else pick up the slack. It’s been a long time since that’s been able to happen. And the girls… well, certainly kids can and do grow up just fine despite a father’s absence. But my girls missed him. They have their own special relationships with him (he is a really great dad) and I can see a lower level of anxiety, a higher level of happiness, just having him around since last Wednesday has changed things. They aren’t on edge because he’s going back to work in a couple of days. He’s back here for good.
Anyway, this getting reacquainted business… I look forward to the process.
I know things will be different. Our dynamic will change with Sean being back for good; Home every night and understanding our routines. He’ll have to figure out how to read my moods in person and not just over the phone. He’ll have to see that we do things in a particular way around here. But I see him and how happy he is to be back here for good. With the promise of his family each and every evening. And I know that he will adjust in any way he needs to because the fact that he has us, daily, is so huge for him. He’s on top of the world right now.
And I think that he truly is excited to get to know me again. He’s excited to learn about the ways I’ve evolved. He’s been noting the things that I used to be a stickler about that I just couldn’t care less about anymore. He’s noted that I’m still very convicted in my beliefs, but that I am also a heck of a lot more flexible and understanding. And it’s exciting for him to explore me in a more holistic way. Mind, body, and soul.
Date night (out or in) will become very important to us in the next little while (as it once was). So often we define ourselves as parents (which is a huge part of my being) but in the process we neglect so many other aspects of ourselves. I don’t want to realize when my kids move away from home, that my partner and I barely know each other and we now have nothing common. We may have barely known each other when we embarked on this crazy adventure. But I know that he is a man worth knowing. And I want to fully realize why I think that is.
I know he is the man that I want by my side as we navigate this crazy life. And I relish the idea of us getting reacquainted and the intimacy that will bring.